from the desk of: Veronica
I’m willing to admit that I struggle with many things. I’m a worrier. I don’t always handle conflict the way I should. I could definitely be happier and could learn to let go of things more often.
I’ve been actively working on these things for the past ten years, and I’ve made more progress in some areas than others (to say the least), but one thing I’ve actually gotten better at is letting go of grudges.
Believe it or not, the thing that helped me the most was seeing this for the first time:
(I looked all over for an attribution for this, but no one seems to know who said it)
No matter how many ways I had tried to convince myself before that it wasn’t healthy to hold grudges, for some reason I thought I DESERVED to have them.
So-and-so WRONGED me! I DESERVE to be mad at them! They DESERVE my anger! I’m allowed to feel this way, so let me hold this grudge till the day I die!
Then, I saw this quote and it finally hit me — you know how it is when something is explained to you over and over and then someone explains it differently, and it’s like a lightning bolt and it FINALLY makes sense? — and I finally realized that being angry at someone is not hurting them — it’s hurting me. I’m the one who has an upset stomach from replaying the bad things they did over and over in my mind. I’m the one who has anxiety chemicals rushing around my body and affecting me emotionally and physically. I’m the one wasting precious moments on earth thinking about someone who does not deserve my attention when I could be offering that attention to my husband and children.
I might not always be able to forgive people if they do terrible things to me, but I’ve done my best to not think of them. My life and attention are for people who bring light to my life, and I’m trying my hardest to not let those who bring darkness into my mind.
You can find Veronica at her blog, Veronica M.D. (no, she’s not a real doctor), and on Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Feel free to stalk her. She encourages it.